Why I decided to stop using the term “transwoman”

Since the latest arrest of a trans “woman”, for the brutal attack on an actual woman, I’ve seen many women stand by this male and show no compassion for his female victim. I also saw the male judge order the victim to refer to her male attacker as a “she” and when the victim repeatedly forgot to lie under oath, the judge reduced the attacker’s sentence, shamed the victim and denied her rightful compensation.

The absurdity inherent in this situation is evidence of escalating power of patriarchy, which is now only willing to tolerate female collaborators, or handmaidens, while it gratuitously punishes women who resist.

Most visible handmaidens today are highly paid women in politics, media, academia and entertainment industry. Allowed to be there by the grace of men, and expected to police the rest of us. So when small pockets of resistance do form, women with dissenting opinions are told to stay quiet or face double assault – male and female punishment, peppered with betrayal by their own kind.

It’s therefore not a surprise that the handmaidens are the biggest role models to young women and girls. The conditional nature of women in power is all that seems possible. All that’s visible. This is why so many women are lining up for the job, and quite possibly, this is how patriarchy survives.

Consider the recent case of Emma Healey, who stole private information of women on Mumsnet forum, and published it on social media as examples of “transphobia”. What did those mums do to deserve attentions of Emma’s transactivism? They dared to say that men with penises are not women and discussed how allowing “woman-identifying” men into women-only spaces could lead to increased harm to women.

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Evidently, gender-critical women aren’t paranoid fantasists or pearl-clutching prudes, as handmaidens and misogynists like to claim. They are regular women waking up to a dystopian nightmare where any man can call himself a “transwoman” and get the state to help him victimise vulnerable women and girls. This abusive male logic is masquerading as “trans activism” and it is only a matter of time before it spreads to all spheres of life, at which point the rights of women will be lost.

Kabul, Afghanistan, 1970s

 

 

Kabul, Afghanistan, 2017

Women waiting for post-natal and family planning consultations i

I wrote this two months ago.

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I can’t believe it’s already happened. The misogynists are escalating so quickly, and hoping that most people won’t believe it’s happening until it’s too late. In the meantime, it’s up to the handmaidens to reassure us that nothing is wrong and ”trans women are women”.

But something IS wrong. Identifying *with someone who isn’t you is empathy. Identifying *as someone who isn’t you is identity theft. Men who claim that they *are women because they “like/wear/do women things” are seeing women through the eyes of an impostor, and their right to take over women’s identities is defended with violence.

Take a look at one of the recent transactivist campaigns.

 

 

In this “art exhibit”, trans activists are showcasing axes clad in transgender flag colours and t-shirts smeared with “TERF blood”.

Considering that feminists have always been at the forefront of defending not only rights of women and all gender non-conforming adults but also rights of children, we need to consider transactivism fixation on not only medicalising gender non-conforming minors, but on defending their sexualisation.

Ask yourself, how can a three year old child be “openly gay”? One of the biggest media outlets for transactivism certainly saw nothing wrong with that statement, they even thought it was “heartwarming” that adults were announcing toddler’s “sexual orientation” all over the internet. And when readers complained about inappropriate sexualisation of that child, because a three year old cannot be reasonably assumed to be sexually attracted to anyone, they took the article down because of “homophobic abuse and bullying of a three year old child”.

So it seems that transactivism isn’t just driven by impostor delusions of “transwomen” and internalised sexism of handmaidens. It’s ultimate goal is something we’ve seen before – misogynists looking to dismantle safeguarding of children and remove women from positions of power.

Thanks to this pressure transactivists are exterting on women as a class, when the madness of gender self-identification is long gone and the damage to children is done, misogynists will be armed with endless examples of how women in fact enabled actions of abusive men, and this will be very hard to reverse because women will no longer have a voice, or worse still, their voices will be replaced by voices of transwomen and because “transwomen are women” women will have nothing to complain about.

So let’s get back to the basics. Regardless of what anyone says, or orders, or threatens, biological males can’t identify as biological females, they can only identify as “trans”, whatever that might mean.   Referring to a man as a “he” is accurate regardless of his “inner sense of gender identity”, while terms like “transwoman” are confusing and counter intuitive, because it feels like we’re talking about a woman, even though this contradicts the obvious.

This is why I decided to stop using the term “transwoman” and use trans-identified male or a transsexual instead. Not because I wish to disrespect anyone’s identity but because this distinction between material reality of womanhood and male domination fantasies is essential if we want to preserve the human rights of women and children and combat male violence that’s inflicted on them.

I will also only use sex-appropriate pronouns. Out of respect, when that respect is warranted (and it’s not when a man is abusive) I’m prepared to use “they” or the person’s name, but I’m committed to not using pronouns for the opposite sex, even though my impulse is to placate.

Which brings me back to handmaidens. Feminism is a journey from trying to comply with demands of violent men, to finding courage to enforce strong boundaries with them. I no longer care how men will react, I am here to demand justice for victims of male violence, immediate reversal of gender self-identification, proof of safety for women and children, and repercussions for anyone in the public eye who supported this dangerous initiative.

Stakes are too high now, kids are being abused and lied to. Women are being harmed and disrespected in ways none of us could have even imagined. It’s time to take a stand.

 

ps. At this point it’s clear that women need all the help they can get to fight this, but we must tread carefully. Male-dominated moderate and Left factions are at the forefront of trans activism. But the conservative Right is working tirelessly to undermine social welfare and women’s reproductive rights. They both suffer from their own brand of narcissism and misogyny, which is no less damaging to women, even if they agree with us on this one issue.

23 thoughts on “Why I decided to stop using the term “transwoman”

  1. Milo Stefani says:

    Hmm One question…
    In case a person has fully completed transition so has the proper primary and secondary sex characteristics of the target gender, has managed to fully get the documentation to get registered as the target gender, How do you address them? With the pronouns of the biological sex or with those of the target gender?

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    1. la scapigliata says:

      Hi Milo, thanks for your question. My answer will be long-ish. First, you are conflating sex and gender. When you are talking about biological sex, genitals and secondary sexual characteristics, that is not the same as gender. Gender is a collection of social stereotypes that sexed humans are supposed to adhere to. So if a man changes “gender” he might wear a dress, behave flirtateously and demurely, apply make up etc. All those things don’t make him a woman, because a woman who wears short hair, works as a brick layer and has no interest in motherhood is still a woman, because woman is an adult human female with XX chromosomes and in 99.99% of the cases, with ovaries, uterus and a vagina. Woman is a sex class, femininity is gender, and men can be feminine, while women can be masculine, or something in between, without “becoming” the opposite sex.

      There is no medical procedure known to man that can make a man change his chromosomes to XX, or grow an uterus or ovaries. Surgically created cavity is not the same as a real vagina. Gender reassignment surgeries only create superficial approximation of the opposite sex, and the body never functions as the opposite sex. Even artificially changing hormone levels, cells in our bodies still respond as our primary biological sex that’s exposed to opposite sex hormones, not as bodies of the opposite sex. This is why gender reassignment treatments such as cross-sex hormones cause increased morbidity and mortality in the long run. Over 6500 genes are expressed differently between men and women, which is just an idea of how fundamental biological sex is to our function.

      So the only way to change human sex would be to erase all socialisation and transplant the “soul” or this so called “inner sense of gender identity” (which is a pseudoscientific concept with no factual basis beyond likes and dislikes and personality) into a newly constructed body of the opposite sex – this is fantasy, or science fiction, in other words it is impossible.

      All this applies the other way around, why women can’t become men either. Sex is immutable, gender is fluid by definition because standards of masculinity and femininity are basically describing a Barbie and a GI Joe and nobody fits squarely into those boxes. This is why feminists want to abolish gender – the harmful stereotypes – and we fight for the society in which men and women (and the 0.018% of the population who are truly intersex) can dress how they like, do any work they like, have interests that they like and the right to a life free of violence regardless of their biological sex.

      The most serious social issue with transgenderism is the issue of erasure of women as a sex class and obfuscation of male violence.

      Close to 90% of male transsexuals retain male genitals. So they might wear a costume of womanhood, they might try to “behave as a woman” (which is a sexist concept because women don’t behave a certain way because of their bodies, but because of brutal socialisation and social expectations that force them to be submissive and sexualised). Also, they might have facial feminisation surgery, female hormones and breast implants, but vanishingly small percentage of male trans actually remove their male genitals.

      And even when male transsexuals remove their penises and testicles, the biggest study to date, that analysed all transsexuals in Sweden, showed that even post-op, male transsexuals retain male pattern criminality, so their rate of violent behaviour is the same as that of men.

      In the world where male violence against women is endemic, and where majority of men fronting trans activism are adult heterosexual males with a fetish called autogynaephillia (these are the so called “trans lesbians” who are wearing a woman’s costume, retain their “lady dicks” and are demanding that lesbians sleep with them) we are now in a very difficult position.

      I, like so many women, had an impulse to placate demands of male transsexuals and transvestites, and I referred to them as “women” so that I don’t offend them (even though I knew just like everyone knows they aren’t actually women) and it got us to the point I described in the article. So as long as this dangerous misogynistic ideology keeps destroying the rights of women and children, I am no longer willing to lie to appease men’s feelings, dress or delusion or dysphoria or not. When things settle down, the fetishists are put in their place, the attack on gender non-conforming children is over and kids are no longer being sterilised with experimental treatments, I will reconsider being polite once again, on case by case basis.

      If you want to know more, I have written at length about all the issues I raised in my reply to you, just check out my other posts. I hope that clears it up. Thank you for visiting.

      Liked by 3 people

    2. Dana says:

      No male ever has the primary sex characteristics of the female SEX. The primary sex characteristic of a female mammal is a pair of ovaries. Even if a man got ovaries transplanted into him, they wouldn’t be his. (And I hope whoever does *that* surgery loses their medical license.)

      Also learn the difference between sex and gender. Looks like you haven’t managed it yet.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Rodney says:

    As a member of the LGBT community myself (I’m a bisexual male who is cisgender), I will admit that while I try to give some support to the trans community, and do have a couple of trans friends IRL (they were the opposite of this scenario, they were both assigned female at birth and transitioned to male), there’s certain things I don’t agree with, and the primary one being exactly what you said: that gender non-conformity should make us decide who we are.

    Growing up as a boy (I’m 19 years old), I wasn’t feminine, but I wasn’t the most masculine guy either. I did things that were more boyish I guess where I liked cars and loved playing video games, but I was sensitive emotionally (which doesn’t correspond with masculinity at all, of course) and sometimes would make references to feminine behaviors and so forth. That did not make me a woman.

    People today (and I’d say this is accurate) say I act mostly masculine, but sometimes a feminine side comes out every now and then. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this-we’re not supposed to be 100% one way or the other. I don’t hold anything against the trans community, but I do wish people realized that what we are biologically doesn’t correlate with behavior. And you are right for sure about that 3-year-old thing. I wasn’t even aware I was attracted to males until I was 11, and it took me six months to figure it out until I thought I could even possibly be bisexual. It also wasn’t even until I was 15 and just weeks away from turning 16 that I even finally accepted myself for it (although I came from a very conservative, Christian family that was hardline against homosexuality). I’ve even met people that say I was relatively early in life figuring out my sexuality (and I will admit that I did go through puberty relatively early as well).

    This isn’t something I talk about very much. But even my best friend who self-identifies as non-binary says that a lot changes when someone has a sex change operation, and it isn’t quite what people make it out to be. I don’t want to be telling people what to do, but I don’t think people quite understand the message it gets across.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. la scapigliata says:

      Thank you Rodney for sharing your experience. I think that there are very few sex-specific behaviours, such as those around production of large vs small gametes, ie. menstruation, pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, or absence of these functions and support for the family and offspring in a different (male) way, but none of these are ever included on the masculine vs feminine behaviour lists. Our understanding of concepts of masculinity and femininity is purely socially constructed in order to reinforce a hierarchy between the sexes, thus upholding male supremacy and lowering the status and power of everyone who isn’t perpetuating this hierarchy, ie. women/girls, in whose interests it is for the hierarchy to fall, and men/boys who are insufficiently adherent to toxic masculinity stereotypes, all of which have to do with proving and demonstrating aggression, lack of empathy and willingness to exploit women. In my experience, vast majority of boys have to be brutalised in some way, either through aggressive social pressures, porn, witnessing oppression of women and violence toward them as well as toward males who help them, in order to become immune from being excluded from the man group. And appearances play a huge role, muscles, imposing physique, being a “manly man” gets you off the hook on sight. I know so many incredibly strong and loyal men who are quite physically delicate, or express themselves visually in ways that makes them suspect to the masculine/heteronormative culture, while I also know loads of really cowardly, weak, macho looking guys, it’s a skin deep disguise, incredibly superficial way of judging people. Perhaps now men are freer to at least visually step away from the standard for masculinity, and hopefully that will only improve over time.

      I’m all for anyone expressing themselves in whatever way they want, as long as it doesn’t affect the safety of others, gender boxes are false dichotomy anyway, and it breaks my heart when I see people embarking on mutilating procedures in order to escape abuse for being gay, or not masculine or feminine enough. I’m not even convinced that in a different society, where this gender based oppression wasn’t a thing, we would even need such interventions, even (or especially!) for people who have unshakable beliefs aka delusions of being the opposite sex, let alone those who are just trying to find a way to be left alone to dress and behave true to their personalities and likes.

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      1. Rodney says:

        I would like that reply, but I’m posting on here as a guest, so I can’t.

        And, unfortunately, I think I can say I was a victim of toxic masculinity growing up. Not only from judgement I received from my more feminine behaviors from others in school (even if they were infrequent at best), but honestly, most of it came from my dad. I grew up with a father whom I did not have a good relationship with, and while no physical abuse was enacted on me or my mother (I’m an only child), he was always nearly constantly verbally abusive to us.

        Most of this behavior in him (and, unfortunately, I’ve been having to see two counselors recently about this, two because I go to a college out of my state, and one of them is on my campus) would be related to the fact that he just cannot seem to feel empathy. A notorious case of this was that one time, back in 2016, he totaled a car when I was riding with him in the passenger seat, and the only time he ever expressed any concern for me was that a few seconds after the impact happened, he asked me if I was okay, but in a dull, monotone voice. Rather, most of his concern was placed on the fact that the car he totaled was not his-it was borrowed from my grandmother, and he was seriously afraid she’d be mad at him as a result. My grandma, however, was more concerned about what happened to me and my dad, of course, especially as I was her only grandchild, believe it or not (she passed away this past January).

        As for my dad’s anger issues, most of that can be traced back to the fact that my grandpa, when he was alive, had the same problems. There’s just a gene that runs in the men in my family that is linked with anger-and the unfortunate truth is, I have it too. However, I will say that I don’t think I have quite as bad as my father and grandfather. My dad’s has been worsened by the fact that he has had to deal with horrible back pains dating all the way back to 1988. (My dad is 52 today) That being said, that doesn’t excuse that type of behavior. I know how bad it can be, though-my grandpa had an older brother (my great uncle) who not only had the same anger problem, but was also an alcoholic, and he would beat his first two wives (he was married three times, his first two marriages ended in divorce) in front of their children.

        My dad, despite the fact that I will admit that he wouldn’t fit the definition of a “manly man”, at least not appearance-wise, always expected me to have masculine behaviors. For example, when I began playing the Animal Crossing video games back in 2009 (I’m not sure if you’ve heard of them, but they’ve been around since 2001, when they first came out in Japan), he dismissed the games as girly only two days after I began playing them in April that year because of features the City Folk (known as Let’s Go to the City outside of the Americas) game that came out late in 2008 had where you could get hairstyles changed, Mii makeovers, and buy expensive furniture in the city. As late as 2012, he thought it was ridiculous that I was playing this series of video games, and as recently as this past September, when Nintendo announced a new video game in the series for the Nintendo Switch, my dad asked me if I really wanted to be the age I am now and still be playing the games. (Probably by extension he also saw the games as childish, and I started noticing that I’d say within the first year and a half I began playing them back in 2009 and 2010, I remember back in late 2010 he asked me if I still wanted to be 13 years old and playing it; well, I’m 19 and I still play the games)

        That being said, and I’m not trying to brag here, but as a guy who is physically fit myself (I don’t have super-defined muscles, but I do make fitness a priority), I don’t really want fit men to be seen as only prioritizing fitness so they are seen as manly. Personally, I do it for health reasons. I kinda pushed myself for some the same reasons that Bruce Springsteen did (wanting to be different from my dad), but I guess what I’m trying to say is, there are guys that can be strong inside and out. However, what I do find concerning among other bisexual men like myself as well as gay men is the body dysmorphia where many gay and bisexual men do indeed feel pressured to have big muscles to both attract other men and go against the femininity that was imprinted on them in their childhood-that is NOT good at all.

        I realize what I’ve typed up is already super-long, but what I touched upon at the end allows me to flow into my next and final point-I guess I’ll invent the term “toxic heterosexuality” here-while in my case, it may be a misnomer, or more fit in the idea of toxic masculinity, but you get the point. In 2009, I remember, my dad said that I needed to be attracted to the scantily-clad women in the Victoria’s Secret ads despite the fact that I was only nine years old at the time. In 2012, when an incident happened when I was in 6th grade where I accidentally stumbled across a pornographic picture of a naked woman while I was at school, and I asked my dad why pictures like that existed on the Internet, my dad proceeded to ask me if I like girls, which I said with clothes on (as I had just turned 12, so my attraction to them was purely romantic, not sexual). My dad responded, “Well, Rodney, you’re going to want to start seeing them naked.” Yeah, I don’t think you say that to your son who just turned 12.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. la scapigliata says:

        Thank you for such an interesting comment Rodney, I’m so sorry you had such a tough time with your dad. My dad is also abusive, physically and psychologically, so
        i know how it feels to grow up in such a damaging environment. It’s good you found someone to talk to, though. I found that therapy helps, but also there’s a process of healing that takes many years, rebuilding certain foundations that were never there, or eere built wrong, due to emotional neglect and destructiveness of our parents.

        It’s always the case, abusive men were usually abused themselves, still, not an excuse as so many abused kids grow up to be the exact opposite of abusive, but it’s certainly a trait that’s passed down the generations. For me, the biggest harm was all the ways in which I didn’t look after myself, and how I internalised that hatred, sense of worthlessness, that harmed me the most in the long run. It’s good that you’re taking care of your body through fitness. It’s the only one you have, and self-care is the only thing able to counteract stress we went through with our families.

        You are absolutely right, there are many men who are strong inside and out, and it’s interesting that pursuing a more “masculine” physique is a way to counteract prejudice about being too feminine. About anger, in my experience, it’s a secondary emotion, and underneath we often find sadness and even grief. It’s the vulnerability we are afraid of so much, that is the only thing that can set us free. I don’t know if you heard of Brenne Brown, she did some truly amazing work in this area and her books are very helpful. If you are into that sort if thing, look her up. She helped me a lot. xx

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      3. Rodney says:

        I’m sorry that you had a rough time with your dad yourself. I don’t know how old you are, but it does sound like you’re old enough where you don’t have to live in that environment with him anymore, at least.

        Ultimately, I also feel like fitness is a way for me to avoid getting the same back problems that my dad has. That’s why I focus on my health so much-see, while much of his problems with his back are related to the fact that he sits at a desk all day for his job (he’s a software engineer, which of course, the constant sitting reinforces the problem), they’re also genetic-my grandma on his side of the family has had them herself. I feel like I need as much self-care as I can get as a result.

        I had actually never even heard of Brenne Brown until I read your reply to my comment, but honestly, what I’ve now read up about her really helps me not only this field, but also because both of my parents are perfectionists (I’m not kidding when I say that), and it seems like perfectionism and how it should be handled is a topic she is well-versed in as well.

        Also, one last point that I’d like to touch upon that I didn’t do earlier because I didn’t want to make my last couple of posts overly long (even if my last one was) is that I think this whole construct of masculinity and femininity is why so many men are reluctant to come out as bisexual or accept themselves for their sexuality like I have. Unfortunately, male homosexuality is seen as feminine, and apparently many bi men are afraid they’ll be seen as lesser if they come out to others or even if they accept themselves for being bisexual. To me, this is a problem. It’s no wonder us bisexuals, especially us who are also male, are more likely to face anxiety. Bisexuals also have higher rates of getting involved in alcohol and smoking than those who are gay or straight.

        Again, I wouldn’t call myself an overly feminine man. Throughout my life, I’ve been more masculine with a feminine side, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. If the idea of being male and being attracted to other males or acting feminine wasn’t frowned upon, then I don’t think gay and especially bisexual men (as bisexual men are seen by many as gay in actuality, even though they’re not) would have as much stress on them as they do. I also don’t think many would consider the life-altering decision of transitioning to female.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. la scapigliata says:

        I’m really glad Brene Brown’s work resonated with you. I did an online course with her while she was still running CourageWorks and it was transformative. Not sure if it’s still available, but books alone are really helpful too.

        You are right, I haven’t had to live with my father in many years, and as hard as it was to remove myself from that family dynamic, it has helped a lot. I hope you too have independence, although at 19, it’s not as easy to do.

        I’m not surprised bisexual men deal with the same prejudice as homosexual men, patriarchy reinforces the hierarchy in which women and feminine qualities are seen as automatically inferior to men and masculine qualities. Not that biological sex and stereotypes of appearance and behaviour are the same thing, we all have a mixture of these qualities and none of them are inherently connected to just one sex, but gender boxes reinforce adherence to one or the other. Toxic masculinity also forces men to repress normal emotions and behaviours on account of them being “feminine”, and some men get very angry when they see a man who doesn’t repress. It’s like a hungry, eating disordered woman hating on a chubby woman, calling her names and finding her disgusting, because deep down she wishes she had enough self-esteem to ditch diets and resist social expectation of thinness, and not be hungry. What neither of those two understand is that a man might not be able to help being perceived as too feminine, just like not every woman has a luxury to safely lose and maintain socially acceptable weight in the long term. But when people are on a hate binge, they don’t care to see the whole person, with their genetics, and environment and personal history, which might be very different to their own.

        I think from a woman/feminist point of view, and this pertains especially to lesbians who ran to look after gay men with AIDS in the ‘80s and ‘90s, and more broadly, feminists who have always been there for gender non-conforming and non-hetero men, it hurts how silent those men now are when our rights are under threat. Not only that, but many are actively supporting gender ideology and erasure of women’s rights. We can deal with our usual oppressors being nasty, but when it comes from fellow women or gay men, it feels like a betrayal.

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      5. Rodney says:

        You are so right. If I could like your post a thousand times, I would.

        In many ways, bisexuals (especially bisexual men) have to deal with prejudice not only from those who are straight, but from the LGBT community as well, particularly gay men. Many gay men do not want to be with a man who has been with women. Many straight women don’t want to be with a man who has been with men. A lot of people also try to make it seem like bisexuality can’t exist in men, and that bisexual men are in actuality gay. It’s fair to say that bisexual men face more judgement than gay men. I could also put out the argument that bisexual women face more judgement than lesbians, but it does seem like bisexuality overall is more accepted in women than in men (and, like it or not, a big reason that is has to due with the fact that so many straight men like seeing lesbian porn). The only exception I can think of that has happened to me was that I was going to go to prom with a girl my senior year of high school who said she loved bi and gay men because she loves seeing men kissing other men-so it sometimes exists in the reverse sense for straight women, but I don’t think it’s as common as the fetish straight guys seem to have for lesbian affection. Besides, I mean, while I wouldn’t mind talking to a girl about guys we might both find attractive and so on, I wouldn’t want my sexuality to be fetishized like that where my girlfriend or wife is imagining me kissing or having sex with men. I don’t want to be objectified. I’m sure many women, especially bi women who hear straight men talk about how great lesbian kissing and sex looks to them can relate.

        Yes, feminism and the general women’s rights movement that started back in the 1970s should have led to a kept alliance between feminists and gay and bi men. The only thing I want to be critical of (and please do not get offended) is that while I definitely do support feminism in its true definition (equality between the sexes), I don’t like manhating. Yes, I realize women often have a reason to hate men, but I often question what good it does. I hear people use the term “male feminist” to refer to a man who supports feminism, and I used to think that label would apply to me, but I only would as long as hate can be taken out of the equation. There’s just not a bone in my body that wants to hate.

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      6. la scapigliata says:

        Don’t confuse hatred with justified rage. Men *as a class* are so incredibly entitled and abusive, oppressive of women *as a class* (so we are talking systemic issues here, not you or me personally), women and girls live like hostages in our culture. The limitations put on us, the blatant sexualisation and discrimination, and then there is rape and physical abuse, is not something vast majority of men can fathom living with every day of their lives. You bet we are angry and disgusted with men – as a class. It’s always good to know some people’s life experience is privileged enough to not be able to relate, I mean libfem ranks are filled with women who advocate for pimp and john lobby because they are utterly unaware of how it feels to be molested as a child, raped or trafficked, and I’m glad there are women whose lives are so free, but the reality of most women world wide is that men should be treated with extreme caution, and trusting them intimately is always a risk to our and our children’s safety. Patriarchy works because women are successfully traumatised and oppressed into providing unpaid labour and being a sexual and reproductive resource to men, and we are only “valid” if we don’t resist and slot nicely into this system. Patriarchy would not survive if we didn’t go along with it, and feminists (the real ones, not the cool girls who pander to woke bros and virtue signalling their allegiance to the patriarchy by throwing less fortunate women under the bus) are the only danger to that social order. We are like Neo who has woken up from the Matrix. So the patriarchy smears us as “man haters” because 1. heaven forbid a man should be hated, even if he beats and rapes and worse, and 2, it’s as if we don’t have men in our lives we love dearly, like fathers, brothers, sons, friends. The “man hating feminist” is patriarchy’s lie, but it’s the one men cannot seem to get past, and this is why men can never be feminists. Feminism is by women and for women. Men can be our allies, but most of the time, they can’t even manage that. I’ll personally settle for them not actively obstructing our fight for liberation. Because we don’t fight for equality with men, we don’t want to be a part of toxic masculine culture that colonises and oppresses. We seek equal rights in law, equal representation and liberation from patriarchal oppression, The only thing that will bring that is destruction of patriarchy itself, because as I said, it cannot exist without our oppression.

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      7. Rodney says:

        I understand what you’re trying to get across. I don’t mean to get political here, but I always found it fascinating that one of our most feminist First Ladies ended up being Betty Ford. You wouldn’t think the wife of a Republican president would be a feminist.

        That part of her is something I admire, even if she was an alcoholic.

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  3. susannunes says:

    These guys are transvestites or crossdressers, and those are the original, correct words. The word “transsexual,” a misnomer, got coined in the 1950s or thereabouts thanks to surgical quackery being performed on gay men like George “Christine” Jorgensen. In the old days, there were the “transsexuals,” who underwent surgical butchery because these guys wanted to pretend to be “women” full time, while the transvestites wanted to pretend to be “women” part of the time, to use Sheila Jeffreys’ definitions, which are correct. Nobody should ever call a man a woman of any sort, no matter if he is a kinkster or if he has body dysmorphia. Today the word “transgender” is used as a catchall word to describe both types and others, and is in actuality a smokescreen to cover the obvious sexual motivations of the transvestites. To use the trans lexicon is to give it credence. Women cannot afford to do this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. la scapigliata says:

      I’m so sorry you are in such a precarious situation Paltry, and I understand completely. Since I wrote this, I found myself writing TW a lot on twitter, because so many people still use it. I need to get my act together and resume saying TiM. In your situation it is completely understandable and I hope you and your babies are safe xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. The Paltry Sum says:

        Me and my son are safe. I can’t even discuss what happened with my Girl, sorry. One day. Everyone that can be safe, absolutely is. I got pulled the other day writing transwomen, no space. They insisted on trans women with the space. I refused. Why can’t they be proud of what they are? I would much rather be honest and say TiM. I find myself bullied into kindness that is not reciprocated.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. la scapigliata says:

        I’m so sorry for all you have been through, and still going through. These crazed ideologues are absolutely targeting women and children in vulnerable situations and it is inhumane. Safety is the biggest priority. I know how soul-crushing coercive control is, and what they did to you is definitely that. Resist if it’s safe, knowing that a lot of us who can, are fighting this on all fronts. xx

        Liked by 1 person

      3. The Paltry Sum says:

        I appreciate you, and all my feminist sisters, I really do.
        My Hague Convention piece is going to be published soon – not here – if you like I’ll send you a link.
        They couldn’t totally crush me, not yet anyway, I am still here making the men angry that I dared to survive.

        Liked by 1 person

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