Letter to a female trans activist


This is a post-letter to a young woman who protested against the meeting to discuss changes to the Gender Recognition Act. You know who you are.

You were holding up a placard with misogynistic slurs, you put a mask on and blocked the path of women who could be your mothers and grandmothers, you encouraged your masked male colleagues to intimidate them, you abused women you never met before. And you turned a deaf ear when trans-identifed male speaker came out to appeal to you to calm down and stop trying to prevent a democratic and peaceful gathering. You also refused to come in and politely debate your point.

For a long time now, I ‘ve been trying to gently explain to you why this wasn’t ok, but you are not listening. In fact you’ve done it again and now we need to talk.

There is 3.8 billion women on this planet. We are harmed in myriad ways by male violence and misogyny. We spent hundreds of years fighting for the rights and protections we have. We are not going to allow you and a bunch of privileged white students drunk on postmodernism, who have no life experience or knowledge of the issues, to jeopardise our lives. We are not going to allow you to jeopardise YOUR life. So listen up!

A man is not a woman. There’s no medical procedure that can change sex in humans or any other mammal. When you fight for the right of men to call themselves “women” and enter woman-only spaces on the basis of their say so, you are doing what Men’s Rights Activists have always done. You are violating women’s boundaries for personal gain. You are allowing men to colonise women’s spaces. You are creating a climate of fear where women and girls will start to withdraw from public life, because all semblance of safety – access to sex seggregated spaces when they are vulnerable – will be destroyed. Your activism is not feminism, it’s at best a misguided naiveté, and at worst opportunism to get ahead while throwing other women under the bus. And by the time you realise how foolish you’ve been, because you are “just” a woman in those men’s eyes, it’ll be too late. The way entitled men disrespect women, the way they mow women down, the way they put their own needs, feelings and wants before women’s lives and livelihoods, they’ll do the same to you when you’re no longer useful to them.

To be honest, you remind me a little bit of that woman who revels in stealing other women’s boyfriends and husbands, who gets validation that she’s “the fairest of them all” because some man chose her over another. And as the cheater man gets bored of her, she gets cheated on. Surprise! Only this woman is doing the wife or a girlfriend a favour – she’s exposing the cheater for who he is and it’s good riddance. You are gambling women’s rights away.

Also, you are not original. History is full of women who thought they were being radical and revolutionary for aiding abusive men. The patriarchy has always rewarded women who are willing to police other women. The only gift patriarchy is giving you is the ability to feel “empowered” and “privileged” about the status quo, so much so that out of gratitude, you are helping them undo legal protections designed for women and children. This is the genius of misogynists’ reverse psychology, underestimate them at your peril.

I’m sure you’re feeling wise and enlightened while you chant “transwomen are women”, but there are many things you don’t yet know. Things you cannot know unless you are willing to listen to that group you’ll belong to sooner than you think.

For example, you haven’t experienced situations that would make you care, even if you don’t want to, even if it’s hard and inconvnient, about a man putting his need for validation over your need for dignity during your pap smear. You don’t have to believe me, just reserve judgement until you’ve had ten pap smears, and a couple of kids, and a full time job, and a crappy marriage, and a chronic illness or two, a sexual assault if you are unlucky, because then you’ll be able to fully appreciate how rights women have won don’t actually translate to reality a lot of the time.

This is why misogynists are seducing you into attacking older women. They have always worked hard on interrupting the flow of information between us. This latest backlash against feminism only capitalised on it.

A woman I greatly admire, Penny White, has a video about why it’s so hard for young women to be feminists. You are young, you have a biological imperative to couple with men, you have no societal power and you are still very much in the throes of growing up, trying to figure out who you are, what you want to do with your life and where you belong. I get why it’s not easy for you, because I was in your position once, but now your baseline unwillingness to do the work of feminism has been weaponised against all women. Misogynists groomed you for your reluctance and they stuck a label “feminism” on your eagerness to bargain your way out of oppression.

And because I know you are not stupid, and that many times along the way you felt a pang that alerted you that something wasn’t quite right about the way you are made to prove your worth by attacking mothers, and constantly “checking your privilege”, you are now maintaining cognitive dissonance thanks to fear of offending “liberal” men, and being ostracised by your equally ignorant peers.

So you do what you’re told. You campaign for men’s right to masturbate to violent pornography, to purchase sex from women who were trafficked and sexually abused as children, to compete against women in sport, to call themselves “women” (because let’s face it, you are not screaming at older feminists on behalf of trans-identified women aka “transmen”, it’s always about the men, ie. “transwomen”, somehow). You enable all men to hurl misogynistic abuse at women because you do it alongside them, while liberal dudebros get to bask in the glory of being better than those vile manspreaders on public transport and the “incels” you are allowed to denounce. Don’t you see that your “feminism” must intersect with men’s interests at all times? That it’s the only framework you are allowed to operate in?

A lot of women have worked against their own interests to appease men, you are not alone. Now is the first time misogynistic narratives are so nebulous and easy to pick apart, we have a chance for a massive wake up call. One day, we’ll all be thanking trans activists for forcing the issue, for forcing us to deal with male violence once and for all.

Take the example of the trans activist art exhibition at a San Francisco library. Nothing quite says “poor oppressed transwomen” like baseball bats wrapped in barbed wire, axes covered in colours of transgender flag next to blood-stained shirts, “I punch TERFS” and “Die CIS scum”, does it?

Is there a higher, more noble cause we could be fighting than the right of male sex offenders to “identify as female” and enter women’s prisons and DV shelters where they go on to sexually harrass and even rape women?

Can there be any double standards in the fact that in the UK and Ireland one can change legal sex for almost any purpose, but trans-identified women (transmen) still can’t inherit peerage or become Catholic priests? It’s almost as if the biological sex matters and lawmakers are still making sure they privilege the men with the new rules.


You are probably now thinking about your awkward male friend from Uni, who looks a bit anxious in his blue lippy and a mini skirt, and you are about to say “what a sweetheart, he wouldn’t hurt a fly, only a monster would force him out of women’s toilets and groups”. But you must understand that to allow your friend to self-identify as a woman means you must respect Ian Huntley, the child killer, when he does the same. And as far as those “intense psychological asessements” are concerned, well, you are campaigning to remove them all. That’s what gender self-ID means – any man just says he is a woman and the law orders everybody to treat him as one. And even if for every hundred harmless gender-bending men you get only a couple of male sexual predators who will take advantage of your activism to gain easier access to victims, how many women and girls are you prepared to sacrifice for your ideological beliefs? Think about that, please.

Now for the good news. I think things will get better from here.

Trans activism in all its violence and absence of logic is exposing the festering issues in our society. Such as that the education, more precisely the ideological backdrop to it, has lead to most of us not being taught critical thinking. Look at the climate change deniers, war mongerers, anti-vaxxers. The adult world has already let you down, and I know we are not a very worthy example. A lot of species including our own are in existential peril because too many humans don’t believe or don’t care about science or facts. But you must do better. We all depend on you, like you’ll  depend on your children, to undo the damage unquestioned rule of men has done.

I know that’s a lot of pressure and a big ask, but every generation has it’s benefits and challenges. You can vote, go to University, divorce, run a business, have reproductive freedom and autonomy over your own body (if you are lucky). Today rape is illegal and you have the benefit of older women paving the way for conversations around why rape isn’t being punished, through initiatives such as #MeToo and #Time’sUp. You see women in all positions of power, even if they are rare, but you know of a woman president, politician, doctor, lawyer, teacher, soldier, engineer, Nobel Prize winner. Women older than you have fought for the right of children to be protected from abuse. This is something women dreamed of for thousands of years and you get to enjoy the benefits of it.

Of course these rights aren’t unalienable. There’s a reason why men didn’t see fit to allow women equal rights, and why women were put through medical and sexualised torture, force-fed, starved, lobotomised, incarcerated, why they were even burnt at the stake as witches, before these rights were granted to them.

Something’s gone wrong with men-kind, whether it’s nature or nurture history will decide, but their fury and violence toward non-submissive women is a chronic epidemic that comes in waves. This is your wave. And we need you to be fighting in our corner, not theirs.

And trust me, there are loads of men who will accept you without forcing you to work against rights of women and children. They’ll also be much less entitled to your body, a lot less selfish, more mature and with luck, they won’t even be pornsick. They’ll be better sharers, more honest and more accepting of their own flaws. Ok, this last one is probably my wishful thinking, as I haven’t met a man yet who didn’t have to be dragged screaming into an apology most of the time. Even so, if you raise the standards of male behaviour you will only miss out on jerks that you are much better of without anyway (no matter how cute they are).

Gender ideology you are being fed is really easy to pick apart. Being a woman is not a feeling. Women can’t “identify” out of sex-based oppression. As long as you tether yourself to facts and reality, remember that the more extraordinary the claims, the more solid the evidence must be, and understand why no man’s feelings or need for validation can ever be allowed to trump the needs of children to be protected from grooming and abuse, you’ll do fine.

It was Lierre Keith who initiated me into radical feminism. She is one of the greatest thinkers of our time so I’d like to share with you a video of one of her talks. It’s only twenty minutes long and it’s really worth seeing. And when you are ready, come and join us. It’s time we build a better world.

32 thoughts on “Letter to a female trans activist

  1. mysafespaceglobal says:

    Amazing article – this so resonated with me “trans-identified women (transmen) still can’t inherit peerage or become Catholic priests? It’s almost as if the biological sex matters and lawmakers are still making sure they privilege the men with the new rules.”

    Liked by 4 people

  2. BBee says:

    This is so brilliant. Things we all think but cannot quite articulate. I love men, but I think systems operate independently of their own pieces, and if you just look around the world you see so many places where women are still the bottom of the food chain, because men do not NEED TO TREAT THEM ANY BETTER. Have cake will eat it too.

    In the West we do better but we still have a lot to answer for. We objectify women to sell sex just as we objectify men to sell violence. Which leads to sexualized violence against women and dominance and control styled sex from men.

    Love is our way out, and transactivists need to be expressing love for women and supporting us. And not all young women are dopes, some of us are quite woke.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. LollyWillowes says:

    Absolutely fantastic piece, well done,
    from a woman who has been a Radical feminist for over 30 years
    and is currently DISGUSTED by what she is seeing from her own sex.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. mysafespaceglobal says:

    “For example, you haven’t experienced situations that would make you care, even if you don’t want to, even if it’s hard and inconvnient, about a man putting his need for validation over your need for dignity during your pap smear. You don’t have to believe me, just reserve judgement until you’ve had ten pap smears, and a couple of kids, and a full time job, and a crappy marriage, and a chronic illness or two, a sexual assault if you are unlucky, because then you’ll be able to fully appreciate how rights women have won don’t actually translate to reality a lot of the time.”

    “This is why misogynists are seducing you into attacking older women. They have always worked hard on interrupting the flow of information between us. This latest backlash against feminism only capitalised on it.”

    Well said


  5. Jillianbeans says:

    I met the brother of a wave lesbian 4 “feminist”. He said some of the most astoundingly dumb ass things I’ve heard yet to come out of anyone’s mouth regarding gender. Millenials, particularly those who are below 25, are by far the most detached to reason and logic. They will quote the tra soundbites, but can’t manage a moment of critical thought.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. la scapigliata says:

      To be honest, I feel like we let those kids down. Of course kids are easily led, inexperienced, they have a lot to learn but they like to think they already know everything. It’s the remaining narcissism of adolescence that would normally get taken down a noch by professors and older more advanced students. Instead, we have a cult-like groupthink that relies on parroting anti-scientific nonsense, and the less you know the more you are likely to believe in it. In their circles, their intellectual shortfalls are the things they get most celebrated for. So instead of having a healthy respect for adults, not respecting abusive idiots just because they are older but an understanding that with age comes wisdom and knowledge, their disrespect is weaponised by the people who are behind trans agenda.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Delia says:

        I do not think they see themselves as an individual. In. the seventies we had different views but still talked to and liked each other. Social media has given a herd mentality I think.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Papyrus says:

    I was also thinking that this entire issue could perhaps be a wake-up call for women… perhaps. As in “once and for all: stop prioritizing the needs and feelings of males”. In the end, no matter how loud these young women shout “trans women are women”, they will have to confront the damages done to women’s rights sooner or later. Which is probably going to be extremely depressing for them.

    It’s ironic, isn’t it. Lots of women who aren’t even feminists recognize the dangers posed by gender identity rhetoric and laws like self-ID – and the so-called feminist movement doesn’t (in large parts). This shows a huge problem with regards to critical thinking and female solidarity: it’s all brushed aside in favor of popularity within one’s in-group. I don’t know if this is a product of our hyper-individualistic times…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. la scapigliata says:

      Thank you so much for such a thoughtful comment. I agree with every word. When one steps out of the thick of it it’s easy to just ignore it and brush it aside, because the damage is still mainly felt in the institutions. But it won’t be long, unless we stop it of course, before it permeates all our lives and deteriorates our ability to exist safely inside and outside of our homes, which is a terrifying thought. These silly girls with unicorn hair and misplaced sense of compassion for abusive men have no idea what it means to be 45 and at mercy of a violent husband, with children to care for and without independence, opportunity or a way out. They don’t have the right to ruin it for the rest of us just because they like having their egos stroked by the cult.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Papyrus says:

        To be honest, I’m pretty sure that the progress made by the modern trans activist movement is bound to halt: in parts because of tireless feminist activism, but also because it’s not long before its ill effects will become obvious (women losing their own sports, former trans children detransitionning en masse… especially the latter.) The question is, will female trans allies learn their lesson? I’m not quite sure, really. People can be real hypocrites. I’m certain a lot of former supporters of trans extremists will act like they were against all of this the whole time. This is a big problem because that means lots of people won’t learn anything from this.
        Anywho, thank you for your thoughtful articles. I must admit the relentless support by “feminists” and women to modern trans rhetoric activism is what angers me the most, in the end. How can they do this? But I’m guessing it’s useless to be mad about it. Lots of women are fighting for our rights, that’s what should be celebrated.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. la scapigliata says:

        I agree that they will mostly not learn their lesson, imo this is because women hating other women is so deeply ingrained into women’s socialisation and indeed psyche, in fact, “right wing women” like transmaidens, are only doing it in order to sabotage/shame/ostracise other women, to virtue signal to men, this time in dresses but more importantly to all the woke liberal misogynists who now have the power (like Silicon Valley nerds and progressive Nice Guys TM). So these women are desperate to prove they are the “good women” that men have no reason to be afraid of, and they are demonstrating, in the most perverse way yet, that they will put men’s interests above the interest of themselves, their sisters and their daughters, and that’s one of the most valuable currencies a woman has in patriarchy. Just think about all the ways in which women mercilessly compete with each other as they ritualistically submit to men. Idiot psychologists interpret this as women’s inborn masochistic impulse but it’s far from it, it’s a born victim’s survival instinct, and it exposes the perversion and violence inherent in our gender hierarchy that underpins everything. I think the reason why it’s particularly disgusting now (sorry, I realise I’m being harsh but I’m done mincing words on this) is that we have made strides toward women’s liberation and objectively, in big parts of the developed world, the only safety net women are missing is each other. We have laws, we have reasonable representation, nothing could threaten this if women en masse didn’t indulge the lizard brain impulse that was cemented during times when women were completely socially powerless. It is these handmaidens who are taking over the role of oppressing women, in order to eat scraps at men’s tables, instead of realising that there is now plenty of free space, materials and resources to build our own tables and explore our own culture. Many men are also desperate to see a more balanced world, the reflex rejection of pornography and misogyny is already taking hold in male population, it’s not terribly obvious but it’s also a normal consequence of overindulgence, it’s only a matter of time before men realise they’ve been reduced to compulsively masturbating, half-brained apes and to want to heal the damage done to them through neoliberalism. So I agree, this nasty medical scandal will pass, but I despair trying to think of a way to get women to stop sabotaging each other.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Papyrus says:

    “We have laws, we have reasonable representation, nothing could threaten this if women en masse didn’t indulge the lizard brain impulse that was cemented during times when women were completely socially powerless. It is these handmaidens who are taking over the role of oppressing women, in order to eat scraps at men’s tables, instead of realising that there is now plenty of free space, materials and resources to build our own tables and explore our own culture.”

    Very interesting theory. I’d never thought of that.

    In France, where I come from, most of feminism is on board with trans activist/gender identity rhetoric – or feminists will avoid mentioning the subject altogether. I find it depressing because I have no doubt lots of them do care about women’s rights, as they have dedicated so much time and resources to this cause, so I don’t know if I agree with the handmaiden perspective completely. I’m thinking they just don’t know any better, want to be seen as progressive, and are afraid of being labeled TERFs, which prevents them from looking too deep into the issue. When you’ve built friendships (or so you think) in a given group, with whom you share activities, laughs, and activism, the idea of ever being ostracized from that group is probably so terrifying that you don’t ever wanna go near subjects, and people, considered taboo.

    I’m thinking that when some female trans activists are passionately denying trans women are male or were every socialized as males/benefitted from patriarchy, it’s not really about trans women. It’s about reassuring themselves: because the idea that they’ve been defending male interests the whole time is just freakin’ unbearable.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. la scapigliata says:

    You make a very good point about denial being a big part of it, it’s that verge we all hovered on just before we peaktransed. For me a handmaiden is a woman who gets to that point, and instead of reflecting on her mistakes and getting curious about learning where she went wrong and why (this is not an easy thing to do, especially if someone is deeply invested in their saviour/rights campaigner ego) she buries the awareness so deep and carries on, stubbornly, with defending male interests while turning viciously on any woman that makes what she is doing apparent. Also I think being a handmaiden is a bit different from the herd behaviour that feminists are susceptible to as much as anyone else. Handmaidens are women who distinguish themselves as upholders of male supremacy, in this context they lead “women’s” orgs (Women’s March being a particularly gruesome example) or feminist clubs at unis, they sit on boards of LGBT alphabt soup organisations, and they steer these groups to support things like TWAW, deplatforming of esteemed feminists, they passionately advocate for interests of pimps and johns etc. Such women get selected by men to spearhead the obedient women’s movement that’s nowadays mislabelled as feminism, so male power amplifies the damage done.

    The biggest problem imo is that the notion of what is “good” and “just” is predicated on fulfilling male desires, making men feel comfortable, honouring male need for supremacy. So while I have no doubt that most feminists who are passionately defending the lie TWAW are doing it out of the goodness of their hearts, and wanting to be generous, good and just, I have noticed over the years that most women recognise instinctively any behaviour/activism that doesn’t honour male supremacy over women, and they reflex reject it, thus ending up in a vicious cycle of upholding male power because it seems that’s the only way to go about things. It’s not even the obvious so much, whether we wear high heels and makeup, whether we make our male partners help out in the house, whether we’re accepted into traditionally male fields, there’s a very sophisticated dance going on with males *allowing women to have rights and women being acutely aware of this, so there’s an invisible line all of us just know not to cross, and the sense of danger when that line is crossed gets translated into accusations that a woman is being unkind, oppressive, “worse than Hitler” etc. This is how trans lobby managed to frame the issue as ”tw rights” while managing to muzzle everyone regarding the fact that what is presented as tw right is in its essence targeted destruction of very much needed human rights of half a population.

    When I was younger, we all considered ourselves feminists, but the real feminists, the lesbians and the women who really challenged male supremacy were rejected, they were dangerous, unappealing, it’s why we rejected advice of older women too. There are lots of awesome French feminists, but French mainstream culture is peculiarly sexist (just my impression, it might be wrong) so male sexual entitlement is often front and centre, just like in Ireland as well. Does it have to do with religion still being quite strong in society, especially Catholicism? I wonder. But both mainstream French and Irish feminists openly acted against the GC movement which made them look like they were falling over themselves to virtue signal to men. That they didn’t see their letters printed in papers and cringe with embarrassment must have taken a lot of cognitive dissonance!

    I’m an individualist, I don’t work well in a team, have a tendency to say what I think and if I’m worried about backlash from my social group, I just leave that group (my life history conspired into letting me see both how dangerous groups can be, and also how stupid, I wasn’t always so jaded tbh) so I’m not really the person in the know about why people conform so much (beyond trying to survive and avoid violence, of which I sadly know a lot). So this dynamic is largely a mystery to me, but I see most feminists struggle to define it also, and I’m eager for all of us to get some answers, so we can move forward. In that sense I think the social circumstances conspired, unconsciously, to deliver a situation which has a potential to help women face up to maladaptive coping strategies that worked for us in the past but now not only no longer serve us, but actively sabotage us. I wanted to say I’m finding this conversation really interesting, so thank you, and sorry for such long comments!


  9. Eric B says:

    Thank you so much for writing this. I will keep it and share it with my daughters when they are old enough to understand it. I hope that by then it will no longer be relevant or necessary. But I fear it still will be both. It brings me to tears to think of my daughters entering the world that you describe. I am not a radical and I won’t commit Justin Trudeau’s error by calling myself a feminist. I am just a normal father who is horrified at what is happening to a society that once looked like it had a feminist future.

    The good news is that it is not just radicals but ordinary people, ordinary parents, ordinary women and ordinary men like me who support you, and are turning to women like you for leadership and for hope.

    You are right, the edifice is cracking, the mountain of lies, illogic and barely-hidden agendas is being exposed, and what is being exposed for all to see goes much deeper than the (hopefully fleeting) ascendancy of this misogynistic hate-driven trans cult.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. la scapigliata says:

      Thank you so much Eric, I’m heartened to read your comment and your girls are lucky to have you. I think trans ideology and what followed was unfortunately necessary for the society to make progress. We were collectively in denial about just how misogynistic our institutions have been. Laws that protect women and children haven’t been properly enforced since they were introduced and it’s only gotten worse with time. The gains of 2nd wave feminism were used to guilt trip women into shutting up and blaming themselves for ongoing discrimination and harms. This issue exposed some key players who have been preventing rights of women and children from being fully actualised, and things had to get worse to get better. Our society is organised on the basis that men as a class consented to some men controlling and oppressing them in exchange for women and children being theirs to do whatever they want with. This toxic dynamic is what we call patriarchy and men needed to wake up as much as women to what is truly being lost and that is common sense and empathy as well as our ability to work together and make decisions for the benefit of the humanity, rather than for profit and privileges of the few.


  10. Delia says:

    I have a husband and two sons, I love my family, but I will not see us women done down…in the end it affects men’s lives to. I raised my son’s to respect women, not allow our sex based rights to be taken away, not to see other women ban the words female sex or male sex and take away female protections in law. Not to make a triviality of motherhood and call us womb carriers, menstruators. Please respect your own natal sex. All those employment, maternity, reproductive, gay, lesbian and political rights were gained by natal women. No one else. Yes a few men were supportive, but the fight was driven by natal women.

    Liked by 1 person

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